Pink or blue?

In just a few days from now, everything is going to change (okay, maybe I'm exaggerating and should save that statement for October when everything really will change). But a lot will change, because in a few days I have the ultrasound that should tell me if I am having a boy or a girl, if the baby cooperates. And it has me thinking about how much of this planning process involves this one revelation (and I applaud the mothers and fathers that opt instead to be surprised on birth day…I am not that patient and too much of a planner).

I have two separate lists of names, two separate ideas to decorate the nursery, and really two separate expectations. In five years from now, will I be going to t-ball games or ballet recitals? Will this baby like mud, trucks and sports? Or shopping, dolls and dressing up? And I'm not saying that boys can't like to dance or that girls don't like mud—because I'm pretty sure if we have a girl, she will still be putting on camo and going hunting with Daddy.

I think I am most anxious because this is one step closer to figuring out the details that make this baby a unique individual, someone who grows up with a personality of their own, whether it’s trucks or dolls or even both. I can't wait to actually meet Trouble (my affectionate nickname to use until I find out he or she) and discover his/her initial temperament and watch that grow into a unique personality.

Will Trouble love the outdoors and any type of sport like Dad? Or love reading and anything creative like Mom? Have Dad's outgoingness or Mom's shyness? Dad's math skills or Mom's English skills? Grandpa's easy-going pace or Grandma's happiest-when-I'm-busy attitude? Or will some new surprises show up in the family genes?

People always ask me if I want a boy or a girl, and that has always been hard for me to answer. Eventually, I would love to have one of each and be able to experience both. Since my ultrasound was scheduled because of a family history of heart defects at birth, my first answer is always a healthy baby, boy or girl. But then sometimes I get the question, what if you had to choose? I have an older brother, so it might be nice to have a boy first and a girl later that has a big brother to look out for her. But Trouble also has two older cousins who are girls that will be fairly close in age and I'm sure the three girls would have a blast playing together.

So, whether my future includes holding a bundle of pink or a bundle of blue, I just can't wait to learn—through all the big moments and little ones—all of the aspects that make this little one unique.