Week 10: Woe to the first trimester

For me, the first trimester is the most unpleasant because it’s the only trimester where I experience 40 different personalities in under a minute. My body transforms into a foreign entity that causes things I can’t control like:

1. Exhaustion

I was never able to convince myself that eight hours at a computer was as draining as mining coal. But, I felt like that’s what I did all day. Toss in eating an apple and it was like I spent 12 hours crab fishing in Alaska.

2. Tight Fitting Clothes

Sure I’m the exact same weight. But, it doesn’t feel like it. Inside, I feel like I’m the size of a bloated water buffalo. I’m certain in four more weeks I’ll need the Jaws of Life to get out of my pants.

3. Being Overemotional

I’ve got onsets of crying. Sadness. Happiness. Annoyance. Then more crying, for the sake of crying—or crying for stupid reasons, like my ice cream is too hard to scoop. 

4. Pregnancy Brain

I poured milk over my toddler’s waffle this morning.

5. Food Aversions

A month ago I made enchiladas. They weren’t terrible but they were the quality of food that made me question if my Mexican roots were authentic, or if I just tan really well. The memory of these enchiladas keeps sailing in and out of my brain like a horrifying ghost story I can’t forget.

6. Super Smeller

It’s like an unwanted sixth sense. A pretty volatile one if anything doesn’t smell seasonably fresh in the fridge, or in the cat box.

7. Being Winded

I swear the distance from the main level of my house up 14 steps to the second level is the same distance as Everest—but with less oxygen.

8. Being Congested

My mucous membranes have always swollen to the size of Jupiter during the last two trimesters. This year I’ve had the pleasure of this happening early—like as soon as I took my pregnancy test.

9. Having Morning Sickness

Sadly, I don’t hit my morning sickness peak between 9:00 a.m. and noon, when my children actually play quietly together. It strikes between 1:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m., just in time for everyone to want dinner and fight over a Tinkerbell sock.

10. Taking Too Many Bathroom Breaks

If I stopped drinking water at 4 p.m. I’d still have to get up 11 times at night just to use the bathroom. I have no idea where my body is getting all this water, or what is already pressing on my bladder to make this happen. I’m praying this isn’t a sign of a baby already in rapid weight gain mode.

My second trimesters—which scream by faster than Justin Bieber in a yellow Lamborghini—have always been my most comfortable. Still, the lovely thing about the first trimester is that if you feel crappy, chances are your pregnancy is progressing well. Of course, sometimes it’s hard to see the forest for the trees. Especially if it’s a food forest haunted by the shadow of some very disgusting enchiladas.

Christina Antus is a freelance writer living in Denver with her husband and two daughters. She’s expecting her third baby in early December and hates the smell of her new Febreeze scented garbage bags–the ones she absolutely loved five weeks ago. Christina is a regular contributor at the Mile High Mamas and Felicity Huffman’s What the Flicka?. She has also been featured on the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop and Scary Mommy. You can read more from Christina at her personal blog, christinaantus.net