Week 36: The waiting game

The waiting game is one I’ve played before—but never like this. Usually, when waiting for impending news, an important event, or mere a yes or no, the wait either leads to something exceptional—or something not so wonderful. Waiting for baby I’m in a feelings-limbo. While I’m excited to meet her, I’m stuck between ready for her to be here and not so ready for this to be over (in what is now weeks!).
I’ve gotten used to her little kicks and her shimmies when I eat, change positions or try to sleep. I’ll miss patting what I think is her little rump and rubbing my belly in circles, wondering if she can feel love radiating through my hands. I’ll miss Darrin putting his own hands on my belly and jolting in surprise when she does her little dance parties while we watch TV in the evenings. I just hope I feel this connected to her when she is here and lying on my chest, but how do I know? I’ve never been there before. For now all I can do is hope that I’ll be able to bear the thought of her not being inside my belly … the first time she “leaves home.”
On the other hand, the point in her existence is her birth. I can barely fathom the idea of her being here with us in the flesh—sparkly eyes and smile. Alas, as she grows bigger and stronger in my belly, I know that she is getting close. On Wednesday I went to the doctor and got an update. The doctor told me she is now full-term and she could be here with us anytime now … and that soon (which could be weeks) I should expect contractions, or my water to break. Baby girl is still head-down and resting into position for her big reveal.
This past weekend, we enjoyed our shower with friends from Columbus, friends from Atlanta and some family from Albany and as far as North Carolina! It was a super hot day, but nearly 30 folks gathered to eat barbecue catered from my parent’s restaurant and to celebrate our girl. While beginning to write thank you cards, I kept finding myself writing, “I can’t wait for you to meet her” and “I’m so glad you will be in her life!” And the thing is with the crowd in attendance—I really mean it.
So, as much as I’d like to keep her all to myself, stored safely in my belly, I know that I really do want to see my Grandma Bee and Granddaddy hold her at Christmas, and I really am glad that friends like Raquel and Libby will be around to show her the ropes. I can whole-heartedly say each person at that shower will play a role in her life, and I hope through my and Darrin’s encouragement and involvement, she will play a role in theirs. I guess this is all to say that when the wait is over and done, I have to learn to relax and realize that the result will be worth it. And the limbo feeling will cease when she becomes the little head I breathe in after her bath and the tiny fingers wrapped around daddy’s thumb.